As I’ve said, I am, by definition, a highly sensitive individual. This alone raises so many questions about the nature of being, I’m almost overwhelmed. Yet this is exactly the path I want to explore.

First, the definition of the highly sensitive person didn’t exist until about twenty years ago. There is another way to say this, which reflects on the nature of being. Until about twenty years ago, the manifestations of being highly sensitive had not yet been recognized as a personality trait. I was something, or possessed something, that didn’t seem to exist.

Lacking Bridges

During all those years of namelessness, so to speak, many activities, which most of my peers appeared to enjoy, left me uncomfortable. Participating brought little pleasure. Not participating didn’t appear an option. One way or another, I saw myself as peripheral, marginalized, or outside… inept, odd, or nearly a failure. That wasn’t pleasurable either. And during those years, there was no name, no insight, no understanding on which to build a strategy for managing my behavior and the feelings which came with it.

Glimmer #1

My first glimmer of insight came three or four years after Elaine Aron published “The Highly Sensitive Person.” Alas, her work was unknown to me at that time, and even if it were, I can’t be sure I would have benefited.

A small digression… to me, language is odd and complicated. It represents a tool the speaker, or writer, uses to deliver a message, and it requires a receiver who hears, interprets, and incorporates the message… all as it was intended. Much communicated to me seems, at best, noise… reasonable but with little pith. On occasion, I feel directly addressed and positioned to respond as intended. Something transcendent occurs.

Transcendent was that first glimmer. A friend at Naropa recommended I look at David Keirsey’s battery metaphor in his book, “Please Understand Me II; Temperament, Character, Intelligence.” Keirsey was a respected American psychologist and best known for his development of the Keirsey Temperament Sorter as an alternative to the Meyers-Briggs Type Inventory. Check out kiersey.com and his Wikipedia entry for more detail.

So what is this battery metaphor? In his note on Extroversion or Introversion on pages 331 and 332 of his book, Kersey suggested that for many people… in fact probably the majority… expressive, outgoing, i.e. extroverted, behavior charges their “battery,” giving them a feeling of well being. Conversely, such people often feel drained and lonely without human contact. On the other hand, people who manifest reserved behavior, i.e. introverts, obtain energy and charge their “battery” from solitary activities. For them, “excessive” social activity is depleting, and they must retire or regroup to recharge. For me, Kersey revealed the answer to the largest mystery of my life… why did the low battery light or warning go off so often during family and social interactions, and interacting with others… at some point far less than for most… depleted me.

Another Glimmer

My second glimmer of insight came from my wife and partner in this endeavor. We met at Naropa. A teacher assigned a group project. Cathy’s description of the look on my face, I cannot capture here. “… Horrified,” she says, “at the least.” She befriended me. I got though it. We dated. She often spoke of things, encounters, or activities as overstimulating. I began to see my own reaction to events in the light of the amount of stimulation they generated. This, too, became transcendent. Overstimulation depleted my battery.

More Hope

The third glimmer came from my ongoing interest in the science of brain function. Remember, this journey began with a book on brain lateralization I never wrote. There is, almost certainly, a neurophysiological basis for the highly sensitive trait. Somehow I take comfort in the possibility nature plays a role in this trait, as opposed to some quirk of nurture.

So what have I learned thus far? I take comfort in the knowledge I am most likely wired this way, as opposed to just being odd. I prepare for overstimulation. If I cannot avoid it, or limit it, I attempt damage control.

Often simple awareness offers the most help. I pay attention to my battery. If it runs too low, I’m especially careful. Then, I make a time and place to recharge it as soon as possible. These strategies have brought me greater ease in my interaction with the world, especially with daily life. Believe me, this is a considerable reward.

—Sherman Souther